Mike's Wheneverly Blog

On Overcoming With Fear…

This was written in September, 2010, updated this week. My friend from Nashville days, Julie Rust, a fine singer/songwriter, asked me about how I deal with fear. Here’s my response…

“Hey Julie,

You recently asked me about fear and I took my time as I wanted to give you a real and considered response. Here goes…

I think anyone who’s putting something personal into a public forum has some level of fear about it, depending on the item, the forum, and one’s experience with doing that. So, yes, I have fear sometimes.

What I would say is that my level of fear, or nervousness, or anxiety is directly proportional to my comfort with the setting. If it’s a theater, a corporate audience, after dinner entertainment, they’ve had one or two drinks, mostly American’s, 18-70, I’m rarely nervous. I’ve had too many examples of it working and I call on that, I purposefully remember that if I have a doubt.

On the other hand, if it’s, say an urban high school (not that I play many of those), or if I was supposed to write or learn something special for the group and I’m not completely secure with it, or if in some way I feel there’s a potential mis-match between the situation at hand and what I do, or if for any other reason I feel unprepared – like showing up in jeans and a T-shirt for a black tie event – I’m more nervous.

For instance, last year I got to be the first act, the first night of the 7908 Aspen Songwriter’s Festival. John Oates of “Hall and Oates” was putting it on and asked me to do it. During my set we agreed that he would come out and we’d do his Hall and Oates hit, “You Make My Dreams Come True” together. Well, that’s not a hard song for me and I could improvise it on the spot. However, knowing I would be potentially nervous I practiced that sucker like you wouldn’t believe just because… well, it’s John Oates. Good thing I did, because on a whim he brought Sam Bush, probably the best mandolin player alive, out with him and we all played it together. I loved it, but I was a bit nervous about it. The next day John had asked me to do a classical arrangement of Olivia Newton John’s “I Honestly Love You” and accompany country singer, Jimmy Wayne in a tribute to the song’s writer, Jeff Barry (and Jeff was there). Again, it was outside my comfort zone and my arrangement would be naked out there, so I knew I’d be nervous. The way I deal with that is to identify the things I’ll probably feel out of place about, and then practice the hell out of them! And it turned out again it was a good thing because I had to coach Jimmy on the words, work with him on the melody, and by the time we rehearsed, a few hours before the show, I knew the damn thing backwards and forwards. That’s my way of dealing with it… be TOTALLY prepared. It also makes for a better performance because when you don’t have to think about the notes, THEN you’re playing music, rather than just regurgitating notes. And for any non-musicians reading this, this is a metaphor for EVERYTHING in life. You learn the notes so you can forget the notes.

The other thing I do to deal with fear is rely on an axiom I came up with a long time ago for just this thing. I used to do gigs for the US Navy in Puerto Rico. One night I was playing in a dark, hard-edged enlisted club with American sailors, CB’s, marines and then enlisted guys and girls from multiple nationalities’ forces (NATO). I have rarely been THAT nervous. They were listening to whatever was hardcore rock and rap at the time, drinking hard, and here I am, folkie-boy with my acoustic guitar. My axiom… really it’s a mantra… was and still is “Do what you do, do it the best way you know how.” Do what YOU do, do it the best way you know how. If they don’t like it, fine, at least I did what I do and that’s all anyone can ask. If I’m gonna bomb, don’t do it trying to be something I’m not. It’s actually my way of letting go of the outcome, which as long as I do what I do the best way I know how, is beyond my control. Control what I can, leave the rest to God.

They turned off the loud dance music and I started singing. Well, early on, either by accident or intuition I happened to play, “Proud To Be An American” (Lee Greenwood). It turns out the Americans had been feeling like a minority in their own club (because they were) and they went NUTS with pride singing with me loudly! Suddenly I was their best friend and after that I could have farted in the microphone and they’d have loved it. I played for hours and had a blast. And that brought some of the internationals on board, too, some of the Brits saying, “You know, WE really need a patriotic song like that.”

Finally, last year I had a morning show at the Benaroya Hall in Seattle for a large group of dentists and their staffs. I flew in the night before and woke up to discover I had my suit and shirt, but no dress shoes, just a pair of white sneakers. Ah!!! The show was early enough that I couldn’t make it to a men’s store in time, Walmart was a long distance away, and I was stuck. Rather than look REALLY stupid and try to borrow shoes from someone – “Excuse me, do you wear size 11 and can I borrow your shoes? Ugh” – I decided to boldly wear those white sneakers with my suit, as if that’s what I’d intended all along, like that’s just “my style.” And I did. And nobody said a thing. It worked. Here’s the kicker. Another speaker there took me aside after the program and actually complimented me on wearing white sneakers with my suit so boldly and being willing to be myself. I laughed, thanked her, and then told her the truth and we both learned a good lesson.

Anyway, that’s what I do to deal with nervousness:

1. Make sure as best I can that it’s not a mis-match.
2. Focus on what I do best.
3. Remember past successes, reminding myself that I am good at what I do.
4. Practice the hell out of whatever I’m not sure of.
5. Go boldly and let go of the outcome beyond what I can control (in other words quit worrying) – just be in and trust the moment.

I hope that helps. It works for me.

Peace,

Mike

Why my newsletters sound “perky.”

There’s a point – I would assume it’s connected with middle age – where you realize, however you got here, whatever has or hasn’t come before, whatever you like or don’t like, this is your life.  This is where you are, this is who you’re with, and by and large these people in your life are the ones you’ll know when you, or they, die.  Though life will certainly progress and relationships, careers and life circumstances can change, by and large this is your tribe.  The ones you can count on now are the ones you can count on from now on, mostly.

I find comfort in that.  I’ve been blessed with being surrounded by 99% great people (and the other 1% are simply not worth wasting my life worrying about – and they know who they are).  Warts and all, I have a great family, fantastic friends and a great career.  Yes, some things, especially me, need improvement, yet while I continue to move passionately toward my goals, there’s really nothing I lack.  I’ll tell almost no one where, how or how much, but I give abundantly of “time, talents, and treasures,” and I will grow in that area as well.  I have my dark moments.  There are things – old things – I am not at peace with and sometimes I lose sleep.  And as much as I implicitly trust God’s stewardship of everything, and though I try hard not to, there are still things that upset me.  But if you take all that crap and multiply it by ten, I still have it great.

Like Joe Walsh said so well, “I can’t complain but sometimes I still do, life’s been good to me so far.”

The Wheneverly Blog

video link:

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Let me say at the outset, this blog will be an unlikely marriage of my thoughts on guitar, comedy and entertainment; as well as personal development tools and tenets, and occasionally spiritual matters. That’s because my shows, and really my life, are that same unlikely marriage of all of the above. Road stories, rants and ramblings. Like most things I find that you get a basic concept going, launch, and let it take form as it progresses. To that end, here we go…

I talk a lot about the power of goal setting. There is incredible power in simply deciding what you’d like to do or want to happen, writing it down, committing to it and taking action. In fact, my only mistake has been not using this enough. I’ll talk more about how to set goals, secrets of goal achievement and that sort of thing coming up. Today, however, I want to share with you a huge, 35 year goal that came true this past week.

My all-time favorite band is Lynyrd Skynyrd. Always has been, always will be. In the mid 1970’s they released a live album called “One More From The Road.” This was a truly seminal album in my life. That live version of Freebird (no requests, PLEASE), was a huge deal for me as a guitarist. It’s how I learned to play slide, and Allen Collins’ amazing solo at the end was how I learned to play faster than basic eighth notes.

Anyway, it was recorded at the Fabulous Fox Theater in Atlanta, GA, and I swore someday I would play the Fabulous Fox Theater. That was that, I just would. This was an absolutely unreasonable, crazy goal. Later, in my first year of college at Western Carolina University, my English 101 professor had us write our own eulogy (weird assignment). I wrote that I had died on stage at the Fox Theater. So, you get the idea, playing the Fox was a big deal to me.

So, though I didn’t think of it in this context at the time, I had set a goal. A POWERFUL goal. One I REALLY wanted. Had I listened to and heeded my father’s fears and warnings, not to mention countless other naysayers, I’d have gone on to some other career that was “safe” and “secure,” or “reasonable.” (Tell me, is ANY career safe and secure?) and my goal would have remained a pipe dream. But I didn’t, and I have only God to thank because, I really don’t know what possessed me. That first year of college – while studying to be a shop teacher, no less – I made what was probably my first adult decision. I decided that I had to go for a music career all the way… or not at all. I could live with trying and not making it or not being good enough. I couldn’t live with not trying and not knowing. So I transferred to James Madison University to study classical guitar and music business, and never looked back.

Fast forward 30 years… My career has gone better, albeit quite differently, than I could have ever imagined. Probably 85% of my shows are these really cool corporate and association functions. My best client, Wells Fargo Advisors (the financial management side, not the bank) has a series of events called Second Half Champions, where they honor 3 people in a given city who’ve done something amazing after the age of 50, and then I close the evening with a hybrid of my keynote and entertainment shows. I LOVE these events.

A few months ago, Laura, from WF, called and said that their February event in Atlanta would be at some place they found called “The Fabulous Fox Theater.” My jaw dropped.

Tuesday night, Feb 15, 2011 that dream (or goal) came true! It was a crowd of about 2500 and the hall was amazing. A number of great friends, both old and new, came to the event to support me and be a part of it. I did my show, had a BLAST with the audience, and the evening was topped off with a standing ovation. I am humbled and thankful for ALL of this. (Very special thanks to my Atlanta friends Dan Thurmon, Seegar, Miki, Cathy and Tommy; my HS friends Leigh, Lisa, and Brian; and NSA Atlanta for supporting me).

So, would this have happened had I not set that goal? Maybe. Or maybe not. But I’ll tell you, playing Carnegie Hall, the Fox Theater, getting my own show in Las Vegas, and countless other humbling events were all totally unlikely, totally unreasonable, but they happened, after my setting a goal. I’m thankful beyond measure, and I’m a believer. Like I said, my only mistake has been not using this enough.

Oh, one other thing… goal achievement feels great! Every time I think about that night at the Fox, as well as many other things that have happened in my career, I get this stupid grin and I just laugh to myself in some combination of joy and amazement at all God has in store for us.

Points to remember:

1. Life is short, set big goals.

2. The difference in a dream and a goal is a plan. Make a plan.

3. Fears are valid, but NOT a good basis for major life decisions.

4. Quit being reasonable. Very few of the great things that happen in life are reasonable.

The blog was away for a while, but it’s coming back.